I wasnt sure where to put this so I just made it here? i only really have little nit picks to do here so yeah. Hope it helps.
Beyond that Its great! Love it Love it! I'm totally going to read this book!!!!
Well I should get to my physics work. Hope this helped a little.
Aidan
- Spoiler:
- The purple and black clad bandits I would consider changing the colour purple. i don't know how much you know about colours but purple has connotations of royalty. So unless they are royal bandits I don't think it really works you know? Perhaps brown or green is better? I just found it hard to visualise a bandit wearing purple you know.crashed through the dark, gloomy forest. Unseen by the bandits, a tall, dark figure watched from nearby as they walked straight into his trap. Suddenly they were all hanging upside-down, writhing
around like angry snakes.
The figure stepped forward into a small patch of sunlight, that filtered through the clustered tree branches above.
"Let us down!" One of the bandits howled. The man laughed as they begged and pleaded, "What're you doing in my forest?" he demanded, his deep voice threatning.
"Looking for the boy." One of the younger bandits said. The others remained in silent fear, not even attempting to move.
"What boy?" the man asked
"Just a normal boy." the young man replied.
"I see..." the man mused, slowly reaching up to touch the enormous sword he carried on his back. "Still, why is this boy so important to you?"
"He's not...to us."
"Explain yourself!"
"Our hirer says he is important, wants him dead." I would use client insted of hirer, contact or contractor works also. Its just a better word I think.
"Why, if he's just a normal boy?"
"Don't know, the hirer didn't say."
The huge man stood in front of the dangling figure sighed. "Don't make me impatient," he stated, "Now, what does this boy look like?"
"He has fair hair and carries a bow, that's all I know."
The man scowled and drew a wickedly curved dagger from his belt, "I said don't make me impatient!" he growled, holding it to the bandit's throat.
"Please, I told you." he begged, beginning to wriggle around.
"Then who is your hirer? Surely you know that?"
"I don't know!" the young man replied, valiantly. A flicker of admiration escaped the man's hard eyes. Quickly masking it he sighed again, pushing the sharp edge of the dagger further into the young man's throat. "Tell me who your hirer is." he said, his voice calm and controled yet full of authority.
"I - I don't know." the bandit sobbed as blood began to trickle from his throat, "Please, please, I have a little sister to look after, I have a widowed mother, please don't kill me." he cried
"How very touching." the huge man said, a smirk playing at the corner of his mouth, "I won't kill you, if you tell me who your hirer is."
The young man continued sobbing, making the older man roll his eyes, "Quite finished yet?" he mocked. The young bandit still carried on.
"Hey! Leave him alone will you! He's just a boy!" One of the older bandits spoke up.
"I'm not aware I was talking to you." this isn't worded very well. perhaps "I wasn't aware I was talking to you." Or something like that would be better. The man said, swinging around to glare at the speaker. Immediately the older bandit closed his mouth, cutting off the insults he was about to throw at the man.
"So?" The man said, turning back to the young bandit.
"Our hirer is Di-" the words were replaced with a scream as an arrow entered the young man's chest, instantly killing him. The huge man spun around, pulling out his sword as he found himself facing a tall, slender young woman, replacing her bow.
"What are you doing?" he asked aghast, "I almost had the name out of him!"
"I am sorry master, but I had seen too much, the poor human had suffered enough." the woman replied.
"You'd better be sorry!" the man replied, his hard eyes full of anger, yet his face betraying no emotion, as he replaced his sword.
"I think you already know who their hirer is anyway." a young man added, appearing beside her.
"That's not the point!" the older man snapped, stepping towards them, "Both of you will not interfere again." he added, towering over both of them, despite their own tall builds.
"Understood master." the woman said quietly. The young man just nodded. With a shake of his head and a sigh of disappointment the huge man walked towards a large over hanging bush. Parting the branches he untethered a horse and lead it into the clearing, before mounting up.
"What're we going to do with the rest of them?" the young man asked
"Nothing, leave them here." the older man replied.
"But father, they'll die!" he argued
"They were trespassing in my forest!" the huge man shot back.
"Big deal, so do a lot of people!"
"Except those people aren't usually filth like this lot!"
"These are still people, not filth!"
"They were going to kill an innocent boy for money!" the huge man spat, "That is what I call filth and I expect you, of all people to understand why!"
The young man looked away, his fists clenched.
"Now that you're both finished," the young woman said, an amused smile spreading across her face, "I would just like to say that I agree with Robin."
The huge man sighed, "You always do." he grumbled, kicking his horse into a walk. The young man looked up at the mention of his name and smiled at the woman.
"Besides," he said, turning to his father, "I'm sure they'll be able to give us information about their hirer."
The huge man stopped his horse and looked at his son, "Robin," he sighed, "You're too much like your mother."
Robin smiled lazily and shrugged, "All the more reason for you to listen to me."
The young woman laughed, while a smile twitched the corner of the older man's lips.
"Just this once," he said, "Cut them down and tie them up, we're going to Veren to see some old friends of mine."
Beyond that Its great! Love it Love it! I'm totally going to read this book!!!!
Well I should get to my physics work. Hope this helped a little.
Aidan